Giving advice to children can be a challenge, even for the most well-intentioned adults. Be it helping with school decisions or navigating friendships, knowing how to give advice to kids is an art that involves balance, empathy, and a lot of patience.

Kids thrive on encouragement and independence, and the way you offer advice can shape their ability to handle challenges. Here are five practical tips to make your guidance impactful and nurturing.

Start With a Question, Not an Answer

The next time a child turns to you with a problem, resist the urge to jump in with solutions. Instead, ask, “What do you think?” This simple question shifts the focus to their perspective, encouraging them to think critically and take ownership of their choices.

Anas / Pexels / When you validate your kids' thought processes with statements like, “That’s an interesting idea,” or “I’m sure you can come up with a solution,” you empower them.

Even if their answer is not perfect, the practice of brainstorming builds confidence. However, it is not about solving every problem for them. It is about giving them the tools to do it themselves.

Encourage Confidence When They Are Stuck

Sometimes, kids can feel overwhelmed or unsure of themselves, making it hard for them to find their own solutions. When they seem lost, a gentle nudge of encouragement can work wonders. Phrases like “You know yourself best” or “Trust your instincts” remind them of their capability.

If they still seem stuck, offer a few options to spark their thinking. Say, “You could try this or maybe that, but you might come up with something even better.” This method allows them to consider possibilities without feeling like you are dictating their choices. Always end by reinforcing their ability to decide what is right.

Offer Advice Without Taking Over

When giving advice feels unavoidable, keep it simple and open-ended. Offer a few suggestions without pushing a specific agenda. For example, you might say, “Here are a couple of ideas, but you should choose what feels right to you.” The key is to avoid long lectures or overly prescriptive solutions, as these can make kids tune out or feel pressured.

Ron / Pexels / Do not be bossy! Talk in a neutral tone and persuade your kids on the matter.

Positive framing is essential. Focus on what can work rather than highlighting mistakes or pitfalls. When you talk about solutions in a constructive, judgment-free way, kids feel supported rather than criticized.

Foster Independence Gradually

Helping kids become self-reliant doesn’t happen overnight. Over time, aim to give less direct advice and more reassurance in their ability to figure things out. Instead of answering every question, respond with a vote of confidence, such as, “I believe in you,” or, “You’ve got this!”

This gradual shift helps kids trust themselves and learn from experience. Even if they stumble, the process of making decisions and facing the outcomes is invaluable. Your role evolves into a supportive guide rather than a problem-solver, giving them space to grow.

Validate Their Feelings, Even During Tantrums

When a child reacts emotionally - be it through tears, frustration, or even a tantrum - acknowledge their feelings without judgment. Say, “You feel upset because you wanted me to solve this for you. I love you, and I know you are capable of figuring it out.” Validation helps them feel seen and understood, which calms their emotional storm.

Once they have processed their feelings, kids often find clarity in the quiet moments that follow. Your patience and belief in them can do more than any piece of advice ever could. Listening, rather than rushing to fix things, shows them that they are capable of navigating challenges on their own.